Things you should never say, ask, or do on a first dateTuesday, February 02, 2016
You have been chatting to that ‘special someone’ on our site for a while now. Your friends are starting to notice and begin to ask why you haven’t got the time to hang out with them.
You have finally decided to meet him or her in person, in the flesh, with the help of a matchmaking agency.
Before plunging into a bottomless pool of questioning and self-talk, there are a few pitfalls you should avoid. Here are a few helpful tips to help you navigate the daring and sometimes daunting world of dating.
- Try not to cut your date off while they are speaking. It can be nerve-wracking thinking of what you might talk about next and sometimes as a result you may jump the gun.
To avoid this, calm your breathing (before you meet your date not during the actual date!) and try to live in the moment, reacting spontaneously to what your date says. This will enable the conversation to be genuine, purposeful and with any luck, meaningful.
- Don’t talk about your ex-partners. At all. Like not even an ounce of what you say should involve the phrase, ‘When I was with my ex…’.
You are on a date chasing newness, so let’s leave the past in the past.
- Swear about or at anyone, especially your date.
Swearing sometimes comes hand-in-hand with a good story you love to tell but trust me, if you hope to be hand-in-hand later on, save that side of your character for a different time and place.
- It’s an age-old concept but remember what your mother taught you and never ask a woman her age. She will either think you are judging her based on her looks, or she will wonder what you are wondering about her age. Her mind script will go something like this;
‘Does he think I look older than I look?’ ‘I wonder how old he thought I was? ‘‘Have I worn the right concealer?’
The last thing you want is your date to be thinking about your motivation, rather than focusing on what you have to say.
- Can we split the bill? Asking this question tells your date that you are a stickler for the rules. It’s not 1940, but show some chivalry guys and girls. Either you or your date should pay for the evening in its entirety. None of this splitting the bill 50/50 business. That’s what single people do and you are on the road to relationships boulevard. Your reluctant response or refusal to cough up says much more about you than what you have said over the last couple of hours.
If you want your date to know you are generous, grateful and committed, foot the bill. It’s a small price to pay for great company. Consider it a deposit on your next date. After all, paying this time suggests there will be a ‘next time’ when the other person can return the favour.
- “Do you come here often?” or use other dorky one- liners to get their attention. If you usually don’t make these kind of jokes, don’t trial them on your date. Chances are it will fall flat and will indicate to your date that you are trying to be someone you are not. Generally, what comes out of your mouth needs to be honest and true to who you are. Your date would rather know straight up that you are straight-laced and aren’t good at jokes than have you put yourself and them through a ‘bad-dad’ joke that doesn’t align with your personality.
On the flipside, if you are the type of person who can cheekily get away with opening with a one-liner, by all means let your true colors shine.
- Don’t agree with everything your date says. The last thing your date wants is to date another version of themselves, where you like everything exactly the same as they do (unless, of course you do!).
Be yourself. It’s way more interesting.
- Don’t ignore physical signals. If your date is shying away from you it’s probably not the moonlight shining too brightly in their eyes. They may, in fact, not want to go there with you. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not ever. Don’t push your luck. If you have been talking for some time online, it can be easy to assume that you will automatically unite during or after a real-life date, but for many, this may not be the case.
As a general rule, wait until you have at least three signs that your partner is interested in connecting physically with you.
- Don’t walk out on your date. Whether the date is amazing or arduous, follow through. Taking a call outside or going to the bathroom and never returning to the table is not cool. Put yourself in their shoes.
A braver act would be to speak openly to your date about your expectations and to let them know gently that this date is going to be their first and unfortunately, their last, with you.
Following these simple Seattle matchmaker steps should have you swimming alongside some of the fittest in the wonderful pool of possibility that is ‘dating’.